The Perfect Roomate
by French Pop
Summary: (Chap 4 is up!) I'm BACK! See what happens when MzChx is evicted from her motel room and her celebrity friend, Joanna Dark reluctantly takes her in! The first few chaps are kinda sucky but it'll warm up! Pinky swear?
1. Just Some Crap

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Hello once again people! I STILL can't figure out a decent ending for DataDyne...Revived but work with me people, okay?!  
  
Anyways...here's some info.  
  
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Miss Cheex (Mz/Chx for short):   
  
A young-adult (if you can call it that) with a full-time job as a reporter for Fanfiction.net. She goes to various events such as parties, movie and game permieres and all that jazz, getting the scoop on various Nintendo superstars. Unfortunately, she has a tendency to act bratty when things don't go her way and often switches into "ghetto mode". Besides being overworked and underpaid, she enjoys her job and has a weakness...Kafei (the purple-haired, crimson-eyed cutie from Zelda: Majora's Mask).  
  
Joanna Dark:  
  
A sweet, caring, understanding agent with A in every grade in the secret-agent field. She and Mz/Chx first got acquainted at the Perfect Dark Movie Premiere. She likes Mz/Chx but can be very paranoid when she shows up unexpectantly. Did we mention that she's Jonathan's FIANCEE??  
  
Jonathan:  
  
The top agent at Carrington Institute before Joanna. No longer a smart-ass (at least not on a regular basis), he loves Jo for her beauty, not her booty. They have a nice $1 million home somewhere in the US. And NO this wasn't the asshole who was giving Mz/Chx the hard time at the premiere (if you read the story)!  
  
Mr. Blonde:  
  
Is constantly trying to "apologize" to the Maians and Joanna for the havoc they have wreaked. However, many of his peace offerings end up thrown in the trash because some shit cannot be forgiven got-dammit!  
  
Elvis:  
  
The little grey Maian is back!...And GAY. yep, he's as gay as Richard Simmons in a rainbow thong. He has no shame in it either! His hobbies include reading yaoi manga, hairstyling, and fashion designing.  
  
Link:  
  
A pretty-boy prick who always "has to hit it" every hour of the day. Before he turned sour, he was Mz/Chx's first love, a sweet and caring hero. He gave up saving the world and resides with Zelda in Hyrule. He left his mask collection with Mz/Chx.  
  
Kafei:  
  
The purple-haired bishie who is suffering from an in-reversable curse (he's forever a child, remember?!). After his mental breakdown because of his divorce from Anju, he now has a hobby of playing practical jokes. Also, he is a multi-million dollar tycoon because of his renowned hair care product line: Simply Indigo. He really shows no interest in Mz/Chx but her dumb ass likes him anyway.  
  
Mario & Luigi:  
  
Luigi's an old perv while Mario is scatterbrained. They are often seen in clubs and Mario constantly has to keep his younger brother from bothering the teenagers that hang there. Luigi's next target seems to be Mz/Chx while Mario and Peach are still at it.  
  
Cameraguy:  
  
One of Mz/Chx's best friends on the go. He lugs around the equipment. Like Mz/Chx, he is over-worked and under-appreciated.  
  
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want more character appearances? u know what 2 do! 


	2. Chap 1: Evicted!

The Perfect Roomate (?)  
  
by Miss Cheex  
  
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Prolouge: Hiya! I'm Miss Cheex (Mz/Chx) and you should know me from the hit PD story, The Burgandy Carpet. Y'know, the story where I play the teenaged reporter at the Perfect Dark movie premiere? Oh yeah, and I think I trashed Jonathan's car that day.  
  
About This Story: Hmm, wouldn't THIS be the prolouge? Oh well. Anyways, who is your BESTEST friend in the whole wide world. Got her/him? Now, start to list his/her flaws or habits that get on your damn nerves...Uh-huh? Now imagine having to LIVE with that person. Ah HA!  
  
Enjoy!  
  
Mz/Chx  
  
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Chapter 1: Evicted!  
  
(it's been another wild Saturday night partying with various Nintendo games stars and Mz/Chx is returning to her $15-a-night motel room, half drunk and carrying her stillettos.)  
  
Mz/Chx: Man, how I let Daisy talk me into drinking so many Apple-Martinis I have NO idea.   
  
(she just now realizes that she's stepping all over her mail)  
  
Mz/Chx: Ugh! Mail, (BTW, she IS in her room) phone bill, cable bill, BILL bill, eviction notice, junk mail, cou---.   
  
(she pauses)  
  
Mz/Chx: EVICTION NOTICE?!?! Oh my God!! I'm gonna talk to the management about this!   
  
(she collapses on the floor and falls asleep)  
  
(next morning!)  
  
Mz/Chx: yawn! Hmmm, morning already. (she looks herself over and sees that she's still wearing her party dress) I must've passed out! hahaha I had the craaaaaaaaaziest dream that...  
  
(she pauses)  
  
Mz/Chx: Holy ish! That wasn't a dream!! I REALLY AM GETTING EVICTED! To the manager! sniff sniff Yech, as soon as I change, this dress says "Hangover" all over it!  
  
(she approaches the manager's door)  
  
Mz/Chx: (bam bam bam) I know you're in there got-dammit!! (bam bam bam) Don't make me do the ghetto knock! (if you've ever seen Next-Friday, you should know)  
  
(the door cracks and out steps a fat black woman with messy micro-braids)  
  
Landlady: Wha-what the hell is this?! It's 6 fuckin o'clock in the got-damn morning!  
  
Mz/Chx: (switching to ghetto mode) I need to get out of the projex anyway FIRST of all, don't be cussin at me like you my momma or somethin. And SECOND of all, it's 8 in the "got-damn" morning!  
  
Landlady: Child, whateva, what chu herr for?!  
  
Mz/Chx: I'm here because of THIS (holds up the eviction notice)!  
  
Landlady: Ohhh, your eviction notice!  
  
Mz/Chx: Uh-huh, I think I have the right to ask why you are going to kick me out on my ass!!!  
  
Landlady: Shit happens when you don't pay your rent! (slams door)  
  
Mz/Chx: I DID pay my damn rent!  
  
Landlady: (opens door) 2 weeks after due-date doesn't count now you got 3 hours to pack your shit and get the HELL out! (slam)  
  
Mz/Chx: Okay and while I'm at it, I'll schedule you an appointment to KISS MY BONY ASS! (storms off)  
  
(back in the hotel room)  
  
Mz/Chx: waaaaahhhh! I can't believe I'm getting evicted!! waaaaaahhh!  
  
(her cell phone rings)  
  
Mz/Chx: beep Hello? Oh, hey Link sniff...  
  
Link: Hiya! Is uh...everything okay over there?  
  
Mz/Chx: (sarcasm time! 


	3. Chap 2: Movin' On Out!

The Perfect Roomate  
  
continued  
  
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Last Time: Mz/Chx just found out she's getting evicted! Well, she always said she wanted to move out the projects! :)  
  
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Chapter 2: Moving On Out  
  
Mz/Chx: Hmm, gotta make some calls before they shut off my cell phone. . .Ah! (shouting into the cell phone) DIAL LINK.  
  
(bbrrrriiiiing)  
  
Link: Hello?  
  
Mz/Chx: Hiya Linkie! You know who this is?  
  
Link: Um, aren't you that black girl I dated?  
  
Mz/Chx (pissed off at how Link referred her): . . .Yah. Anyways, you'll NEVER guess what happened.  
  
Link: yawn No, what happened. . .  
  
Mz/Chx: Well, I came home from Partying last night and I read the mail. . .  
  
Link: Oh yeah! You drank like, 8 Long-Islands!  
  
Mz/Chx: don't remind me Yeah, and guess what?  
  
Link: (sarcastically) Um, I give up.  
  
Mz/Chx: I got evicted!!  
  
Link: Oh, gee. Too bad. So, what did you call for?  
  
Mz/Chx: damn, this motherfucker's dumb as a doorknob Well, I was wondering--  
  
Link: Ah! You know what Miss Fat Face or whoever, I think Zelda's horny now, so I think I'll go and um, "hit it" is how you people say? So bye!  
  
Mz/Chx: gasp You racist son of a--click! doooooooo  
  
Hello? Hello?! Got-dammit. CALL LUIGI.  
  
Luigi: Hello?  
  
Mz/Chx: Hello! It's-a me, Mz-a Cheex-a.  
  
Luigi: Ah! The lovely young-a party girl-a who works-a for Fan-a Fiction.Net-a.  
  
Mz/Chx: Riiiiiiight. Anyways, ImbeingevictedsodoyoumindifIstaywithyouforacoupleofdaysoramonthortwo?  
  
Luigi: Sure-a! I'll-a send you-a limo to-a pick-a you up-a.  
  
Mz/Chx: Thanks, bye. click! Ugh! Isn't he a little old to be flirting with 17 year-olds?  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
AT LUIGI'S PLACE  
  
(Mz/Chx steps into Luigi's Mansion except now it resembles a home that Hugh Heffner would live in)  
  
Mz/Chx: Hello? Hellooooooooo?  
  
Echo: Hello, hellooooooooo. . .  
  
Mz/Chx: Hey!  
  
Echo: Hey!  
  
Mz/Chx: I'm an idiot!  
  
Echo: You're an idiot!  
  
Luigi (who just popper out of nowhere): Hello.  
  
Mz/Chx: Shit! Don't fucking do that!! Uh. . .I mean Hi! cheeses  
  
Luigi: reaches to kisses Mz/Chx's hand Um, let-a me lead you-a to your-a room-a. (walks off)  
  
Mz/Chx: Allllrightie then.  
  
Luigi: THIS is-a your-a room.  
  
Mz/Chx: WOW! It's BEAUTIFUL!  
  
(the room contains a huuuuge water bed with a hot-pink bedding scheme. There is a canopy over the bed and the bed had fluffy pink pillows. There are 20 tiny lights in the cieling all triggered with 5 switches.)  
  
Mz/Chx: Man, I don't know how I can repay you! It's like...a dream or some-  
  
(she hears the sound of clothing dropping to the floor. she turns around)  
  
Mz/Chx: gasp L-l-l. . .  
  
Luigi: Yes-a?  
  
Mz/Chx: Please, shields eyes but leaves a small space open to see close your robe, I can see. . .  
  
Luigi: Well-a this is-a how you can-a repay-a me!  
  
SLAP!  
  
Mz/Chx: (At the bus stop with her cell phone) Where am I gonna live?!   
  
(a taxi pulls up)  
  
Mz/Chx: Uh. . .How far can. . .(she pulls out $6 and 27 cents) THIS get me?  
  
Taxi Driver: Ehhh, wher' u talkin' bout goin' goilie?  
  
Mz/Chx: Hmmm, AH! How about Clock Town, Termina?  
  
Taxi Driver: Okay, I can do 'dat.  
  
(she enters the taxi and drives off)  
  
(about 20 minutes later, the taxi is outside of the southern entrace to Clock Town, Termina)  
  
Mz/Chx: Hmmm. . .Joanna, you're my bestest buddy ever. . .ZZZXXXX!  
  
Taxi Driver: (blows horn) Wake up sweet'art we'e he-ir!  
  
Mz/Chx: Ah! Termina! (steps out and the taxi drives off) sniffs air COUGH! COUGH! HACK! Whew! Smells like. . .blech! (walks inside)  
  
(inside Clock Town)  
  
Mz/Chx: Holy shit! It looks EXACTLY like the game!   
  
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CUT!!  
  
First of all let me say that it would be virtually impossibe to take a Taxi to Termina.  
  
Second of all, I know the fanfic may suck now and has nothing to do with perfect dark but no worries, okay! I'm working on it!! 


	4. Chap 3: Biggest Fan!

The Perfect Roomate…Continued!  
  
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AWFMC (A Word From Mz/Chx)  
  
Wow, one review! I must be a helluva good writer! That person was upset that you couldn't take a taxi to Termina. How the hell do you even leave HYRULE let alone get to Termina? Well, if you could find out how to get to that forest in the M. Mask intro, they could build a road!  
  
And by the way, there were a few…okay I ain't gonna lie, a LOT of typos on the last few chappies because the damn network won't accept asteriks (the star thingies) for some reason. Why…WHY?!  
  
Another note, for first time-readers, in the "( )" 's are thoughts, actions, and narrations usually, ok?  
  
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Last time:  
  
After leaving Luigi's Mansion (hehehe), I took a taxi to South Clock Town, Termina.  
  
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Chapter 3: Your Biggest Fan  
  
Mz/Chx: WOW! (sings while spinning around) Now I have seen the worrrrrrrrld!   
  
(BAM! She crashes into a strange, foreign, postbox)  
  
Mz/Chx: (rubbing her face) That REALLY hurt, I think I wanna cry.  
  
(a strange youth wearing a Keaton mask rudely pushes her to deposit a letter)  
  
Mz/Chx: Hey! What the hell?! Haven't your parents ever taught you any manners?!  
  
Kid: (looks her up and down)..... (runs off)  
  
Mz/Chx: How dare you! Get back here ya little runt?! (runs after him)  
  
(the kid is heading toward SCT's Laundry Pool)  
  
Mz/Chx: (why did I choose to wear heels today?) pant pant...get...back...   
  
(the kid is heading towards a door across from a small pond)  
  
Mz/Chx: Rrrr! I HATE kids! (she takes off her shoe and throws it at the kid. It hits the child in the head, knocking him unconscious onto the ground face-first)  
  
(Mz/Chx runs up to the kid)  
  
Mz/Chx: (little bastard. She notices the mask is not on his face) Oh, crap. I didn't mean to hit you that damn hard.   
  
(he's still in La-La land)  
  
Mz/Chx: (gently kicks the youth with her bare foot) Hello? Little boy? Are you okay? (hmmm, he has nice hair. It's so purple and shiny. I should wake him up and ask what kind of hair stuff he uses) Um...Runt? I gotta ask you a question!  
  
(she violently shakes the "runt" by the shoulders until he wakes up)  
  
Kid: (who is now awake) Hey, hey, hey! Who are you, Michael Jackson?!   
  
Mz/Chx: (jumps back with a scream) Oh...my...  
  
Kid: I know! You totally trashed my mask! (dusts it off)  
  
Mz/Chx: (who recognizes him from his deep red eyes) Y-you...are...K-k-k...  
  
Kid: And you...are...r-r-re...tard...d-d-ed.  
  
Mz/Chx: KAFEI?! You're Kafei right? Right?  
  
Kid: Shhh! Don't say it so loud! And yes, I am Kafei!  
  
Mz/Chx: Hmmm, you're a LOT smaller in person.  
  
Kafei: (sarcastically) Oh thank you, I feel SOOOOOO much better. And what do you mean "in person"?  
  
Mz/Chx: (interrupting) I'm sorry I knocked you out but you pushed me got-dammit! I'm a teenager and I deserve respect!  
  
Kafei: Hmmm, I apologize but I'm not REALLY a kid. Or a midget so don't go thinking that either!  
  
Mz/Chx: I know, you're a grown man who has been turned into a child by the Skull Kid, right?  
  
Kafei: Damn skippy. (glares at Mz/Chx) How do YOU know all that stuff? I know good and well you're not from around here by your...ATTIRE. (looks her up & down again)  
  
Mz/Chx: (and a LOT ruder!) One: where I'm from, it's a little something called STYLE and two: Um, could we go somewhere else because after chasing you, I'm REALLY tired.  
  
Kafei: Sure, whatever. (opens door, shifts ehead 2 and fro and waves for her to come inside)  
  
Mz/Chx: Hmm, nice place. The back of the Curiosity Shop. Niiiiiice.  
  
Kafei: Well, when you wanna be on the...the...whazzat word?  
  
Mz/Chx: "On the DL?" (stands for Down Low, y'know, sland for "undercover" or on the "hush-hush")  
  
Kafei: (glares) Riiiiiight, this is the best you can do.  
  
Mz/Chx: (whips out a pen and a notepad, after all she IS a reporter!) So, how are you an Anju doing nowadays?  
  
Kafei: Oh, we're divorced. See, one time when I was taking too long in the bathroom, Anju got very annoyed. So, she barged in through the door and caught me.  
  
Mz/Chx: (pauses and looks up) Doing??  
  
Kafei: Keep this a secret, ok?!  
  
Mz/Chx: (groans and puts away her journalistic supplies) FINE.  
  
Kafei: She caught me styling my hair. And she was pretty pissed that I used up her expensive Pantene Pro-V.   
  
Mz/Chx: (snicker) Go on...  
  
Kafei: So, I explained to her that I always dreamed of making hair-care products for people who want shiny, purple hair like mine (BTW, my hair IS naturally purple). She didn't support me, plus she thought I was a fag because I refused to cut it so...here I am.  
  
Mz/Chx: Ah. She'll feel very salty now. Considering you're a huge hit!  
  
Kafei: Yeah, that's true.  
  
Mz/Chx: (rambling) I mean, DUH! You only have whole shelf dedicated to your hair-genius. Plus, I use your shampoo all the time! I mean, the non-purple kind. (I forgot they only sell potions and other useless shit)  
  
Kafei: I know...(grins)  
  
Mz/Chx: YEAH! Have you ever been to CVS? They have your dye, conditioner, and all sorts of stuff! Oh yeah, and I have 1 more question.  
  
Kafei: I don't any checks on me...  
  
Mz/Chx: Damn! But I wasn't going to ask you that.  
  
Kafei: Okay, then shoot!  
  
Mz/Chx: Do you think that maybe when I get my own place that we could...  
  
Kafei: Oooohhhh no...I still LOOK like a minor (even though you're kinda cute).  
  
Mz/Chx: Christ! Will you let me finish?!  
  
Kafei: (sweat drop) Okay, okay...sorreeeee!  
  
Mz/Chx: I was GOING to say that I should interview you sometime because I've been meaning to talk to my boss about a raise and no one can seem to catch you dammit!  
  
Kafei: .......  
  
Mz/Chx: Well, as strange as you are, I'm glad we met and I REALLY gotta go.  
  
Kafei: Yah, yah, just don't let the door hit you--  
  
Mz/Chx: Oh yeah, guess WHAT??  
  
Kafei: Yeah?  
  
Mz/Chx: I've been evicted!!  
  
Kafei: oO Hmmm, sorry to hear that but you can't stay here.  
  
Mz/Chx: (pfft! like I wanted to! I might get a concussion by hitting my head on the cieling) Awww...shucks! (snaps)  
  
Kafei: BUT...You can always go to the Stock Pot Inn.'  
  
Mz/Chx: YEAH! (frowns) But, I spent my last chump change on the taxi ride here.  
  
Kafei: (shocked) Taxi? Since when does a taxi drive around Termina?  
  
Mz/Chx: Beats me.  
  
Kafei: Tell you what, (reaches in pocket) here's 200 rupees. Some pocket change I was gonna spend on some Chateau Romani.(hands her 2 purple rupees, 3 red ones, and 8 blue ones) That should at least get you 3-6 nights in the SPN.  
  
Mz/Chx: Thanks!   
  
Kafei: Don't try using it where you're from. It's roughly a little over a dollar in American currency.  
  
Mz/Chx: (shit! is this kid a mind reader!) Uh thanks. (leaves)  
  
Kafei: Cute  
  
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And thassit! Still, if people could take a taxi cab to Termina, well, it'd be swarming with Zelda fans (including me). I wonder if there's a store somewhere that sells the masks as seen in Zelda 64 (II).  
  
And, I think 200 rupees is a little over a dollar in US money. But are they shiny and colorful in real life?  
  
Also, I think that Chateau Romani is more of a liquor than a milk. What kind of milk can give you an unlimited supply of magic power for up to three days?!  
  
One more thing, have you ever read the Zelda MM manga? Have you ever seen him as an ADULT? He looks the same only taller and with pants instead of shorts. And what do you suppose he sounds like?  
  
Try answering THESE in a review! 


End file.
